I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
