woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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