Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
