I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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