It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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