True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
