dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
