I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
