are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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