I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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