My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
