Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
