Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
