Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
