i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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