2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
