thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
