i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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