it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
