You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
