While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
