if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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