hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
