I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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