i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
