I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
