Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
