Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
