tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
