that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
