I am in a vortex of obligation.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
