if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
