How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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