im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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