saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
