Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
