You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
