Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
