Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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