id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
