I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
