Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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