You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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