sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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