You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
