thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
