Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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