thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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