she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
