I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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