Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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