I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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