Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
