we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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