Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can you bring me the toilet please
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
