Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
