You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
